Firstly, I'd just like to say this computer is displaying the webpage in a very odd way o.O

Secondly, I;m back~!

Lately, I've found it difficult to go online, since I've been getting home at around 10p.m. and am in advanced classes in school; meaning, hours of homework... -.-; Normally I skip the homework but... This year I have to do it xD

Anyways, long story short, not much time to go online.

Just thought I would bore you all with the details of my life

Anyways... Tagged by ~Lost-Remnant!!

A. Post these rules.
B. Each tagged person must post 8 things about themselves on their journal.
C. At the end, you have to choose and tag 8 people and post their icons on the same journal.
D. Go to their pages and send a message saying you tagged them.
E. No tag-backs!

1. I... I... I have no idea what to say.

2. I... Hate... Milk...? [I like flavoured milk though >.>;;]

3. I... Just ate a grilled cheese sandwhich.

4. I like food.

5. I got a job~ Teaching Martial Arts to little kids

6. I am forgetful and spacey, often spending hours inside my head and disregarding the world. >.>

7. I have the same initials as Genesis Rhapsodos. Which is awesome. 'nough said.

8. I found silver strands of hair on my head o.o And not just one or two. Silver amongst reddish-brown, chestnut brown, gold-ish, blonde... I seem to have the whole rainbow on my head xD

I tag~~~~~~







...And there ends my motivation. *shot'd*

My life is currently in a disarray... Too much is happening all at once xD

Anyways, a fairly brief update on the S**t that's going down.

~PROS~
-A got a job: $60/week
-That job is a Martial Arts instructor~<3 [For kids though... But still >.>;]
-I got into the High School I had pretty much given up on
-I went to BC for... A week...?
-I found some friends on facebook I haven't seen in years~<3 [Shoot me; I STILL think facebook is evil, despite its uses... >.> ... <.< ... >.> ...]
-I met an awesome person whom will hear out anything I have to say

~CONS~
-My parents are fighting [nothing new there]
-I'm hard-strapped for cash [also nothing new]
-Neither of my parents will pay my school fees [That... That's new]
-So I have to magically come up with $400 [that would be the minimum; it's definietly more than that] by Wednesday [Not happening]
-Or, convince one of my parents to pay [Definitely not happening]
-Basically, I have to request to the school to let me work my ass off with possibly 2 part-time jobs [$240/month won't cut it] until I have enough money. [I will NOT ask ANYONE to help pay, or even subsidize the cost. That won't work well on my conscience.]
-I have a wasp bite D<!! CURSES!!

So~ I'm in a financial bind by the age of 15... [Sorry, forgot to say I had my birthday in June xD] Not exactly how I envisioned my life at this point, but meh... Life loves f**king with our heads =]

Anyways, that's my current life~ Haha. Expect the unexpected.

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CLICK IT AGAIN~!

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Mwahaha~ click once more for good luck!!

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Anyways... After you have clicked, I suppose I should explain: It's an ad for my Dojo! I appear for 0.098755676897689 seconds~ See if you can find me xDDD

Anyways, click it again, just 'cause it's that cool

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Warning: Ranting ahead/emo-ness

Oh yes, and a lot of swearing.

-----

I'm pissed off, upset, confused, lonely, but mostly pissed off.

No matter what I do it seems, my mother will always fucking hate me. Everytime I accomplish something, it's thrown back in my face.

Whatever the fuck I do all she'll ever see me as is absolutely nothing.

She fucking chose her goddamned boyfriend's son over me.

And yes, I know, I'm not the most pleasant person. Especially when I'm pissed off, like I am now.

There's nothing about me that counts as a good trait.

You don't know how happy I was that she finally came to one of my Martial Arts tournaments. For ONCE in my life, she actually, seemingly, cared enough to show up.

The time when I needed her most, she left.

She stayed for the kids' division and watched my brothers fight, but then she left.

I went in the adults women's category, nearly broke. My. Arm. AND had to go up against a PURPLE belt, a BLUE belt, and a fucking BLACK belt. And I ALSO twisted my ankle in the teens' division, prior to fighting said blue, purple and black belts.

She knew this. She knew I had to go against people that were bigger, stronger, heavier. AND MUCH MUCH MUCH higher level than me. And she KNEW I was ecstatic that she had FINALLY come.

But no. The entire time, "when is this over? I have to go."

She left.

I was so fucking happy that she even took two minutes from her busy life with her boyfriend to come see my tournament. I was ecstatic.

I should just be happy that she showed up, even if she was late. I should be happy that she was there.

Yet I'm trying not to cry right now, because she left before my division. I'm trying not to cry right now because she left to go see her boyfriend's son instead of stay and watch boring Martial Arts that she doesn't even understand.

I'm being so selfish and needy right now, it sickens me. I came home and tried to show her my fights I got someone to film for me, and she watches for maybe two seconds before talking to her boyfriend. I'm so fucking needy that it kills me EVERY single time I had a tournament and she wasn't there. EVERY time, no matter how well I do, no matter if I take gold, I want to cry alone in my room, just because one person wasn't there.

She finally came. I should just be happy about that. I should just be happy she actually showed up.

But I'm not. I get one taste of what it's like for her to pretend to care, and I'm craving more.

It's like I'm BEGGING to be disappointed. I should just be content that she came.

Just a few seconds ago, I got lectured by her co-worker. My mom was going to take me and my brothers out today when we got home, but then her coworker and boyfriend decide to pop in and have dinner. And yeah, sure, whatever, these things happen.

But apparently, I'm not allowed to get up from the table and hug my older brother I haven't seen for MONTHS when he comes in through the door.

And what do I do? I get up anyways.

I'm half-Brazilian. In Brasil, we get up and greet people.

But noo. That's taboo, apparently, in Canadian culture. In Canadian culture, you don't leave the table. You ignore the brother you haven't seen in months.

Because of that, her 'friend' starts lecturing me. And naturally, I defend myself. I wasn't even outright rude, I was calmly stating that I got up because that's what I was taught to do. But no.

Apparently, I'm a rude, self-centered, unpleasant, young lady, who openly defies her mother. Oh yes, and I'm argumentative.

I asked for it to be explained how I wasn't allowed to greet my brother, because honest to god, I really had no idea. It was unfathomable.

But that makes me unpleasant.

I'm not allowed to defend myself, I'm not allowed to try to understand why I was wrong, and I'm not allowed to ask for explanations.

What I learned today, about, "Canadian culture," is that I'm supposed to blindly follow orders, NEVER be argumentative, NOT to talk AT ALL, and if you're a teenager, shut up and be seen but NEVER heard.

...That's a load of fucked up bull.

I've lived in Canada my whole fucking life. I was fucking BORN here. You'd think in fucking 14 years I'd have picked all of that up.

Oh yeah, and they also say, I'm a teenager, I'm fighting for my independance and it's difficult because there're a lot of chains and boundaries. Yet I'm not allowed to act like a teenager.

I have NEVER swore at my mother, and never out-right disobeyed her on anything major. Her fucking friend seems to think I don't give a fuck about my own mother.

"Your mother is a dear, dear friend of mine, and it hurts me so much that her children would be so rude to her after all she does. She is such a wonderful and loving person, and if I were her, I would run away from all of this. But I'm sure none of that is cutting through your ice."

I fucking love my mother. Even if you're dead wrong and she's never done hardly anything for me, like support me when I'M UP AGAINST A BLACK BELT, or USE me to get money off of my dad, or yell at me for over 3 hours because I told her I can't hate my father... I still love her. I still love her, even knowing that she hates my guts. I still love her, even knowing all I am is a dollar sign to her.

I can't stop loving my mother.

So shut your fucking mouth. You don;t know anything.

Oh and, I suppose I sound like a teenager still, because I think I know everything and no one else does.

And maybe I am wrong. Maybe I'm wrong about everything. Maybe I'm wrong, and she's right, and my mother had a right to get pissed off because I love my father. Maybe I'm not supposed to love him. Maybe I AM supposed to hate him.

I don't know, I'm just a stupid teenager. So tell me, should I hate my father???

'CAUSE. I. DON'T. KNOW. ANYTHING.

Tell me. Tell me what I'm supposed to think. Tell me what I'm supposed to feel. Tell me what I'm supposed to do.

But I guess, I have figured out that I'm not allowed to get mad. I'm not allowed to talk. I'm not allowed get sad. I'm not allowed to hug my brother.

Let's see if I missed anything...

Oh yeah, I'm not allowed to be me.

So, since you know EVERYTHING and I obviously know NOTHING...

Tell me. WHO THE HELL DO YOU WANT ME TO BE?!?!?!?!

So now I know.

I'm sorry.

Next time, I will MOST DEFINITELY never leave the table to hug my brother.

But thank you so much on correcting my entire life.

Now I know I'm an argumentative, unpleasant, young lady.

...But you know what? I think I am. I'm non-conformist. I don't do things I think I shouldn't. I do things I think I should.

If that makes me unpleasant then so be it.

Here I am, about to be my usual non-conformist self with this statement: I'm not going to change JUST so I can be friends with a bitch.

Oh whoops, did I just act like a teenager there??

I'm sorry. Lesson not learned.

Maybe if you don't insult me, I'll actually listen and never leave the table again.

-----

Those of you who read to the end, I apologize. I need to vent and this is my method. [I have a habit of internalizing everything xD]

Also sorry for the heavy swearing.

I'm doing list format. xD I already wrote this... But my computer killed all my text so... Now you get brief-ness-ism vs. elaboration. xDDDD

1.) My dad took my computer.
2.) I am haxoring onto D.A. from school.
3.) These brackets are getting annoying to type.
4.) Journal skins?!?! o.O FTW
5.) I am actually studying. Yes, I'm shocked too o.O
6.) I have never studied for a test before in my life.
7.) Reason for studying--> test involves dates/names.
8.) Why that's a problem--> I can remember scientific concepts, but NEVER who did what, who did what when, who discovered what, who is what
9.) Having problems with my mom, nothing new there.
10.) Any day now she's gonna kick me out, like she did with my brother, and I will never go back! Not even if she begs me.
11.) I know, I know. That sounds cruel.
12.) I cosplayed! LE GASP!
13.) Who I cosplayed--> Edward Elric.
14.) I GOT CALLED SHORT DDD<
15.) And I got to throw temper tantrums... >D
16.) If you find an Otafest 2009 Edward cosplay, chances are it's me. As far as I know, there were no other Edward cosplayers.
17.) I will fail my test in last period. Yay!
18.) Yay for cramming! Yay!
19.) Not yay for date/people memorizing >.>;;;
20.) LE GASP 20!!!

Anyways, thus is my life